But just becomes the emotional struggle of infertility is common doesn’t mean you should ignore it. It doesn’t mean there isn’t another way or that you should just resign yourself to feeling this way. What follows is a list of 15 signs of infertility-related depression or anxiety. It is based on the American Society of Reproductive Medicine’s list of signs you could benefit from counseling. As you flip through, consider whether these are struggles you have. You may want to jot down notes to share with your doctor. At the end of the list, we offer advice on how to win your life back from infertility. Because you can win it back. If you’re charting your basal body temperature, you’re obviously going to have fertility on the brain when you wake up. If you’re giving yourself injections and going in for ultrasounds, again, it’s no surprise that your thoughts will frequently be focused on treatment. However, that is different than feeling like infertility is the only thing you can think about… even when you’re not in the middle of an intense treatment cycle. You may feel guilty – but you shouldn’t. Guilt implies you knew and understood that your actions were wrong, that you knew what the consequences would be, and you did it anyway. I’m willing to bet that’s not true. There are few situations where a choice is wrong when it comes to fertility. Waiting to have kids isn’t wrong. It isn’t a crime. If you are feeling intensely guilty or blaming yourself, you may benefit from counseling.
Do you worry that people will love you less (or not at all) if they knew you were infertile? Do you worry your partner is going to leave you because of your fertility problems? Do you see yourself as broken? Defective?
You’re allowing infertility to define you as a person. But you are so much more than your infertility. Counseling can help you see that. Research shows that infertile couples are more likely to struggle with depression. Depression is loosely defined as sadness that you can’t shake, lasts for extended periods of time, and interferes with your daily life. If you feel sad most of the time – even when you don’t really understand why you’re feeling sad – you may be dealing with more than normal sadness. This can be an outcome of depression and/or shame. However, if there are hobbies, friends, or places that you once loved, and you just can’t get yourself to enjoy them anymore (though you wish you could), sadness over infertility may be coloring your perception of life. Being nervous about upcoming fertility tests (especially invasive ones), waiting for results, and worrying about treatment side effects and results can all get your nerves shaky. If you have been experiencing these feelings, you may be dealing with something more than normal nervousness. You may have infertility-related anxiety. You may find yourself feeling angry at random pregnant women or those with small babies. Maybe even people you don’t know. This is because anger is often the opposite coin of sadness. Wherever there is anger, there is sadness lurking on the other side. Signs of concentration problems include…
Feeling “spacey” most of the timeFeeling unable to concentrate on enjoyable activities, like reading a bookFeeling unable to concentrate on your work
If you have experienced these symptoms, you may want to consider counseling. Depression and anxiety can also make concentration difficult, as can thinking about infertility 24/7.
Do you find yourself arguing about fertility treatment decisions?Do you worry that your partner is going to leave you because of the infertility?Have you forgotten how to have fun together?
If you feel your relationship is suffering, seeing a counselor together may be a good option. Problems some couples may experience include:
A decrease in sexual desireDecreased enjoyment of sexPerformance anxiety or erectile dysfunction
Depression and anxiety can also worsen your sexual health. Also, some hormonal imbalances (that cause infertility) can also impact your sex life. Sex may be painful due to reproductive diseases, like endometriosis. This can, in turn, harm your sex life. But, if…
drinking is interfering with your daily lifeyou find yourself drinking in order to numb your emotionsyou’re hiding your drinking from your partner
…it’s time to reach out for help. Often, when someone is eating to numb difficult feelings, the person feels worse – and not better – after indulging. Alternatively, some people lose their appetites during times of extreme stress. Changes in your eating patterns, as well as changes in your weight, can be signs of depression. Do you…
Find yourself sleeping at all the wrong hours?Find yourself sleeping too much?Have difficulty staying asleep?Have trouble falling asleep at night?
These can be signs of depression or anxiety. Keep in mind that some fertility drugs can interfere with your sleep patterns. Talk to your doctor if your sleep troubles start when taking a particular medication or fertility drug. Are you struggling with suicidal thoughts right now? Are you afraid you might hurt yourself? Suicide is a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. Please reach out for help.
