Many people start blaming their spouse at this point. “If only he or she cooked me dinner every night,” “If only he or she really cared about my feelings,” “If only he or she kept the house clean for me when I came home after a long day at work.” This can easily turn into “None of this is my fault; it is all my spouse’s fault.” Now you have made your spouse your enemy. Don’t fall into this trap! Figure out ways that both you and your spouse can help the situation. Blaming each other will get you nowhere. Rather than blaming each other for why things aren’t working, try to figure out ways to make things better. If you find yourself angry and blaming your spouse for something, stop, sit down, and think about what you can do to better understand how your spouse is feeling.
Getting Over Grudges
Unresolved grudges against your spouse are another obstacle to a perfect marriage. They are a barrier between the two of you. If you are able to forgive your spouse for a past mistake, you will improve your marriage. Mindy was frustrated with her husband, Jack, because he forgot their anniversary. He had done everything he could to make it up to her. He brought her flowers, took her on a surprise weekend away, and even did her chores for a week; but nothing satisfied her. Mindy still felt angry and sad. Now Jack was getting frustrated. He knew he had made a big mistake by forgetting their anniversary, but he had tried to make up for it. Over time, he became angry with Mindy for not forgiving him. Even though Jack made the original mistake by forgetting their anniversary, Mindy compounded the error. She is carrying around a grudge that has interfered with her marriage. All Mindy had to do was forgive Jack for forgetting their anniversary. Then they would have been able to move on.
Forgiveness
Are you talking around with grudges against your spouse? This is probably creating a barrier between the two of you. If you are able to, forgive your spouse for something he or she did in the past. Forgiveness is an important part of a good relationship and will improve your marriage. The following are five steps to forgiveness:
